Kelantan is demanding that the Federal government pay them royalties for the oil that’s been pumped out of the seabed off their shores.

I think the whole world should be paying Malaysia royalties for the comedy that they have been enjoying and continue to enjoy at our expense. I mean which television channel or network in the USA or UK or Singapore or any other country can boast of providing non-stop comedy that explodes the ratings on a daily basis? If things continue this way I think Phua Chu Kang had better hang up his yellow Wellingtons for good man!

Okay! Sekarang saya mahu check.

Today the online Star reports ……

Don’t take off your undies, urges anti-Valentine group

I’ve not been following this story too closely but apparently, there is a non-governmental group who are against the celebration of Valentine’s Day by Malaysians (or Muslim Malaysians or even more specifically students in some college or university in Shah Alam. Seriously, the place should be re-named Stupid Controversies Central la.) and the alleged suggestion by some unknown party that female students in higher learning institutes in Shah Alam were being persuaded not to wear panties on Valentine’s Day as an expression of true love for their boyfriends. Hahahahahaha…sorry…couldn’t help it.

I can just see the long queues in front of the offices of JAKIM or JAIS, or whatever those snooping peeping-toms are called, with RELA rejects hoping to volunteer as panty-checkers in Sham Alam institutions of higher learning. If God had created me totally insane I might stand in those queues too. I mean…how else are they going to determine who’s wearing and who’s not wearing. What a job man!

And by the way this NGO is called Secretariat Against Social Ills Penang. Their Malay acronym is UNGGAS (sounds like something for relief of flatulence doesn’t it?) Their co-ordinator Nurfitri Amir Muhammad said that the group would deploy a team of about 500 volunteers from the organisations to distribute posters and VCDs, and would later conduct talks in night markets and other public places.

“On Valentine’s night, we will conduct a preventive operation called Operasi Sayang Remaja at Queensbay Mall in Gurney Drive and along the Butterworth Outer Ring Road stretch. Since, we do not have enforcement powers like Jakim officers, we will concentrate on counselling and advising couples against committing adultery,” he said.

Don’t you just love their choice of name? Operasi Sayang Remaja. To keep in line with the theme of love on Valentine’s Day I suppose. Hey! But what about checking on those panties?

And now for something completely different………..

So who’s keeping an eye on Malaysia now?

When they brought in that big ferris wheel and named it The Eye On Malaysia, it was launched with great fanfare and to the irritation of the residents around Titiwangsa. A great many YAB’s, YB’s, Tunku’s extra ++ attended the opening. Statistics were then published on how many millions had visited during its stay in Titiwangsa. How wonderful it was that we had something like that in Bolehland. You know la all the usual trumpet-blowing cacophony whenever we needed to divert attention away from something our YB’s wanted to keep under wraps for a while. Then the contract ended or something happened and the big wheel (they call it an observation wheel these days) was moved…sold…rented…don’t know la…to Malacca!

Malaysia’s most historic city had it’s own Observation Wheel! Wah!!! I am sure that Hang Tuah, Jebat, D’Albuerque, Francis Xavier and Hang Li Po would have done a turn too. In their GRAVES! Anyway, it was installed there and everyone enjoyed the fireworks, the YAB’s, the YB’s the Tunku’s and the announcements of how great we are and how great Malacca is for acquiring this great example of 21st century technology for themselves. Yay!

But now we find out that some hanky-panky had been going on. But frankly, are we surprised? Anyway…it turns out that the 2 companies that brought the wheel to Malaysia had not paid the Belgian owners the rental amounting to RM17million nor the freight charges for bringing the darn thing over. Now, why the Belgian flers would ship something like that over here without someone paying anything upfront and the freight charges is beyond me. But then I am not Belgian.

Of course all this while I am sure you all have read about many millions in tickets had been sold to visitors to The Eye Of Malaysia both when it was in Titiwangsa and in Malacca. So where’s the money? Now, if we all were given the answer to that question, Malaysia would lose out on all that royalty for global comedy that we are set to collect soon. And that must not happen. After all the world is keeping its Eye On Malaysia. For laughs la.

NIAMAH!!!